The first few days of N’s life are an absolute blur. I seem to remember it being a whirlwind of pain,emotions and lack of sleep.
Everyone in your life and their neighbour will contact you to say congratulations after you have a baby. Half of these will send a message that you really should reply too but won’t and half of those will try to schedule a visit. It’s a nightmare. You’ve just given birth too a tiny human. Your body feels like it’s just been hit by a bus. Your hormones, emotions and thoughts are all over the place. Your life now seems completely daunting and if your like me, you’ll probably have absolutely no idea what your supposed to be doing. What an ideal time for visitors right?!
I made the number one error of allowing visitors round the day I got back from hospital. After birth, both mine and J’s parents came to the hospital when N was a few hours old. They only stayed around half an hour and it was lovely. N was asleep, I wanted to see my mum and dad for some moral support and it was nice to see friendly faces after such an ordeal. They were all nothing but congratulatory and proud. The next day we left for home around 9am and J’s aunt and cousin were there at 4pm. I was cooped up on the sofa in my PJ’s, I could barely move, I was still in complete agony and bleeding more than I thought a human could and still survive. I felt a pressure to allow people to meet my child as they are related to him but do not feel pressured to do this too soon. I wish I hadn’t. They came over and were full of questions about his eating, his sleeping, is he winding OK? I didn’t have a clue. How was I supposed to know when he’d only been born 24 hours previously. I wish I’d allowed myself time to bond with him without anyone else for a few days. J only got 2 weeks off from work and I think we only had around 2 days with just ourselves and him in that time. Yes people are excited to meet your child but they can do it on your terms, at your pace and when you say they can.
After J’s aunt and cousin left I felt like absolute crap. J’s aunt knew exactly what to do with him (no surprise as she’d had a baby before) but it made me feel useless. We were all just looking forward to get into bed early and trying to get some rest when J’s Nan and Grandad turned up unannounced. I could of cried. Their excuse was they’d heard we’d had visitors so ‘knew we wouldn’t mind them coming over too’. I did mind. It was 8 pm and they hadn’t even mentioned coming over. I wanted to tell them piss off and let us go to sleep, but of course I couldn’t. By the time they’d left I could of easily had a full on mental breakdown and I’m surprised I didn’t.
People are still wanting to come over and visit 24/7. J’s extended family seem to have the need to see him at least once or twice a week, something his Nan and Grandad have done without fail since he was born. I think I saw my great grandparents about twice a year throughout my life so I just don’t get it. The same with his aunts. When do you remember seeing your great aunt weekly??
I should be grateful for all the attention and love that he gets but most of the time I just want to tell them they seem a bit obsessed, go away and/or leave the country without telling anyone. Here’s praying N’s passport arrives soon.