Now before I write this and you read it, understand this is not something I ever wanted to admit but desperate times call for desperate measures…

Baby constipation is no joke. When N’s constipated he is inconsolable. He screeches for hours and throws his body around as if he’s possessed, think ‘the last exorcism’ and your half way there. The first time it happened I inevitably Googled baby constipation relief, (what else are you to do when your a mum and have no idea what your doing?) After bottles spiked with prune juice, multiple baths, belly massages and yanking his legs around I stumbled upon a more direct approach. A cotton bud, some Vaseline and a changing mat; use your imagination.

So I’m setting up to try it. J has washed his hands of the whole thing and is sitting across the room. We’re half expecting social services to burst through the door at any moment. I’m not going to lie, it looked like something out of a seedy massage parlour but I’m willing to try anything. To cut things short, you have to pop the end of the cotton bud in their bum, wiggle it a bit and wait for it to work, all the while avoiding eye contact as what you’re doing is a bit creepy. You have to wait about 2 seconds before the gates of hell open. I can only describe it as similar to one of those play dough fun factory’s. I’m positioning nappy after nappy but it just keeps coming. It’s not normal baby poo either -no wonder he was constipated. You wouldn’t think a tiny body could harbour it all. It’s a bit mortifying to do but boy is it effective! The look of relief on N’s face is incredible and I can see why. Be prepared, when you think it’s over, it’s not; Grab a few nappies and give it 20 minutes.

The things you have to do as a mother only get grosser but this does work so keep it in mind, just maybe don’t admit it to anyone else…