A bit of a different post than usual and something I hope I’m not alone in, or I might sound a bit crazy….

Having 2 small children, I find it so difficult to take them out in public by myself and stay in control of the situation. Shop’s are usually OK as N will walk and H is restrained in a trolley. That’s about bearable, but take them to the park and I can guarantee they’ll run in opposite direction’s and I’m left choosing who to run after and hoping the other one doesn’t die in the meantime. It completely freaks me out and I’m constantly thinking what I must look like to other mum’s.  I’m sure no-one there cares AT ALL and can probably totally relate to the situation, but you can’t help but feeling all eyes are on you when it happens. The same goes for when the kids have a meltdown in public. I have seen a million toddler tantrums in my time and not once passed judgement on the poor parent but when one of mine does it I immediately think people are judging me and thinking I’m an unfit mother. Maybe it’s because I’m young but I always assume the worst and then dread taking them out the house ever again. It worries me so much that being invited out to a restaurant or even Costa is enough to send me over the edge. The absolute horror of trying to control 2 unruly children surrounded by crockery whilst making polite conversation AND drinking a gingerbread latte? No thank you.

Soft play is another disaster zone. N is just about at the stage I can let him off by himself in the older kids section and not worry to much whilst I chase H around the toddler bit. More often than not though I’m approached by another mum holding a crying N saying ‘sorry, is he yours?’. Que me again feeling like a total failure and avoiding soft play for the next 6 months. The poor boys have only ever been to 1 birthday party in their time and only because it fell on J’s weekend off.

When J’s around I’m fine and can’t wait to get out and about because he’s there for back up. Don’t get me wrong, the boys are generally really well behaved and I know I have nothing to worry about. Once I pluck up the courage to take them out, we always have a great time and I think why on earth do I worry so much? I do force myself to take them to places when I can but I don’t think I’ll ever stop the anxiety that leads up to it.

Am I completely crazy or do other people, with 2 kids close in age,  feel like this??