Today my mum fails hit a new low.

I took N and H to the park and as soon as we arrived, H woke from his nap. This meant I had to leave N with full, unsupervised run of the park whilst I sat on the bench and fed H. This is already filling me with absolute horror as I won’t be able to intervene in time if N decides to be a twat. But, to my delight he is just running around merrily entertaining himself. RESULT.

After about 10 minutes I look at him and he’s just being adorable and sticking what looks like a piece of blossom to his face, running around until it falls off then starting again. He looks so cute and contented and I’m just feeling super smug about how fabulous he’s being. The sun is shining, the boys are happy and for once an outing is going to plan. Someone start buffing up my award please.

I’m getting a few funny looks from the other mum’s at the park and I’m putting it down to me letting N run about with potentially a leaf stuck to his face but I think it’s cute and don’t mind him getting dirty or anything. *Mentally tutting at all the mums who don’t let their kids get messy outside.* After about 25 minutes I decide it’s time to carry on walking and call N in to leave. Obviously this falls on deaf ears so I start the game of catch the wriggly toddler.

I finally manage to grab him and steer him towards the pram when I realise it isn’t a piece of blossom stuck to his head at all. It’s a teeny tiny baggy for drugs. Yep, for half an hour N has been sticking an empty bag of  DRUGS to his FACE and I’ve been watching on feeling like I really had my shit together.

False alarm, I’m still a shit show. Call social services. I’m done.