The dark nights

The dark nights are nights that will make you question your ability as a mother. They are the nights your baby won’t sleep and will scream for no other reason than to let you know they are not sleeping. They will probably make you weep and, if your like me, will make you wonder if this was all a good idea in the first place.

The first few nights of life you (hopefully) still have enough sleep stored up from before birth to get through them relatively easily. Each time they stir is a new chance to cuddle them and dare I say it, there quite enjoyable. My first ‘dark night’ happened when N was around 3 days old. The novelty of him being new had died down and now the night feeds weren’t as cute as they were. I was absolutely exhausted plus my milk had came in leaving me an agonising, weeping mess. N was stirring roughly every hour and he would not settle. I had fed him, burped him, changed him, cuddled him, left him, took his blanket off, put it back on. NOTHING was making him happy and I broke down. I was sat on the edge of my bed holding a child I had spent 9 months and 14 excruciating hours bringing into this world. I have created him. I am his source of survival at this point yet I could not comfort him. I silently cried while he screamed. I questioned absolutely everything I was doing. I questioned why I had thought I could do this. I questioned if i was cut out for this whole adventure.

But eventually he stopped. They always will and morning will always come and you’ll always have another day to get better. I laughed about the whole thing. Babies cry, that’s what they do. You get asked ‘are you ready for the sleepless nights?’ about a billion times when you are pregnant, so when they happen, don’t feel disheartened. it’s normal, your doing great, keep doing what your doing.

And if it gets really bad, wake someone else up, hand them over and get some sleep – you did just give birth after all.


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